I think it’s fair to say that every year since I fell ill in 2013 has been a whirlwind with an array of highs and lows. 2019 was no different.
Although, for the first time in the 6 years of being ill, I feel the positives outweighed the negatives. that’s not me saying that my illnesses have magically gotten better or treatments are working, it’s me saying that for the first time since falling ill, I found myself being much more positive about the negative situations I was in.
It’s hard to explain if I’m completely honest with you, but I really found my mental health took a leap upwards and I found myself just feeling much more positive towards life. That’s what made 2019 for me. Being able to look at a real negative situation and just find light within the darkness again, something that I’ve really struggled with over the years.
2019 certainly hit me with some real tough situations though but also gave me some of the best memories and i experience more than I ever have since falling ill. I allowed myself to take a step out my comfort zone, there were times my anxiety would eat me alive yet I continued to do what I love regardless and honestly… I’m proud of myself for doing so!
Today I wanted to share with you the good, the bad and the ugly sides of 2019! let’s get into it…
The Good, The Bad & The Ugly… My 2019:
- The start to 2019 was quite a difficult one. We watched our beautiful staffy Gypsy-Rose take a turn for the worst and we suddenly lost her on the 13th of February. Our hearts broke into a million pieces. Gypsy wasn’t just a dog to me, she was the sister I never had and I grew up with her. I genuinely don’t remember a time without Gypsy, so loosing her after 16 years was a real knock to the system. We miss her and her funny personality every single day but we know she’s causing havoc up in Rainbow Bridge waiting for us to join her one day.
- If your a long term reader of mine, you’ll know I’ve been waiting for a feeding tube to be placed surgically for a fair few years now. Anyway, on February 13th I went in to have a PEG feeding tube fitted, but once I got into surgery, they realised they couldn’t place the tube due to my bowel being stretched in front of my stomach. So, I then had to wait until the 30th of April to have a RIG feeding tube placed by a team from London. It’s been a real long journey since having the tube fitted. I caught a flesh eating infection only a few weeks after having it placed which was antibiotic resistant, then a granuloma formed inside and outside of the tube site which continued to grow bigger regardless of the treatments we tried. After months of battling to clear my tube site up, I was referred to the Tissue team. They came and visited me and gave me a whole new treatment range to try and by a miracle, it actually worked. My tube site is looking much better and I’m not in pain with it no more! I’ve been receiving a feed through my tube which has been going well, I’m finally getting some of the nutrients I need back into my body. It’s been a LONG 8 months fighting a constant battle with my tube site (I’ve been up A&E multiple times also) but it’s finally settled down and is defiantly worth all the pain I went through.
- On the 18th of June, we went on holiday to Fuengirola, Spain. Myself, my mum, nan and grandad had the most amazing time away as we always do and made plenty of memories throughout the week. Having a holiday is the one thing I look forward to every year, it’s a time away from the hospitals, having treatment and speaking about my illnesses repeatedly. My holiday is a time for me to relax, around a pool, in the sunshine, catching a nice tan – that’s me living my best life. So it’s always amazing to get away from reality for a while and enjoy experiencing new things.
- We was super lucky that whilst staying in London, the hospitals hotel is right on Oxford Street, so as you can imagine, we spent a few hours walking Oxford Street doing some shopping! Probably my favourite part of being admitted up in London.
- On the 20th of August, myself and my bestfriend went to go and see Ariana Grande live at the O2. I’ve loved Ari for a long time now, going way back to the days when she was on the Disney Channel, so seeing her live was on my bucket list. Let’s just say, she was absolutely incredible! I expected her to be amazing but I was blown away by her vocals… man that women can belt out a song. A voice of an angel! So as you can imagine, I left the O2 with a very sore throat but it was totally worth it haha.
- On the 10th of September, I went to my doctors as I was getting really bad back pain which was shooting down the backs of my legs and was limiting my movement. Anyway, after assessing me, he wanted me to go straight to A&E as he was worried I may have a spinal compression on my lower back. I do already have spinal compression in my neck so it was the obvious thing to check. Anyway, I was admitted into hospital for 4 days, where I had an MRI and was told that I had sciatica. We decided to up my Gabapentin (which is a strong painkiller) to the highest dose and touch wood, it seems to be working!
- On the day I was discharged from hospital (the 14th of September), we went and picked up my little puppy Mabel! Honestly, this was the best present I could ever ask for. Mabel has totally changed my life for the better, she’s given me a reason to get up everyday and given me a purpose in life again. It sounds silly but she’s my little baby, I genuinely couldn’t imagine my life without her now. She’s been a light in the darkness I never realised I needed and I’m honestly overwhelmed with love when I look at her. She’s such a funny little thing, she has the best personality and is so loving (well when SHE wants to be haha). I can’t wait to see what 2020 has in store for us!
- On the 19th of October, I had my 21st birthday party! I chose not to have it in a big hall but instead, have it at our house and just invite imitate family and my closest friends. My parents went above and beyond to decorate the house – buying me a balloon wall which was beautiful and plenty of other decorations which made the house look incredible. It was the first time I’d ever let my hair down properly and if I’m being completely honest with you, I did get very drunk… to the point I blacked out and don’t remember certain things. Children if your reading, don’t do this haha! I can’t put into words how much I appreciate my parents for throwing me such an amazing birthday, I throughly enjoyed myself.
Thank you so much for your amazing support throughout 2019, I’ve been blessed with so many incredible people in my life. I truly appreciate you supporting my blog and reading every week, it means the world to me knowing you guys enjoy the content I’m creating! From the bottom of my heart, thank you.
I’m so sorry for the lack of content throughout January, we’ve been going through quite a tough time for the last few weeks. I’ve just felt totally drained and so unmotivated BUT I’m back now so look forward to plenty of content coming your way over the next few weeks!
If you have any posts you’d like to see from me throughout this year, then please don’t hesitate to leave me a comment or message me as I’m always open to suggestions. My blog is for you guys as well as myself.
Sending you all tons of love & hugs as always,